What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

How do you respond to "I don't like you anymore"?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Make Nazis afraid again!

Why hasn't Japan legalized same-sex marriage?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Is it legal for an employer to ask why you are taking time off from work?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

How long will it take Christian president-elect Donald J. Trump to restore our nation's moral values?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

What is your opinion on the band Nickelback? Why do they receive criticism from some people?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

TEXT:

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

What might be the social consequences of an ethnic as opposed to a civic conception of the nation?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

How can I get over a break up?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

What does it mean if you dream your dad died?

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

What can you do if someone makes a false accusation against you?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

How do people who are deaf learn sign language? Is it typically taught by parents at a young age or are there programs available for learning it later in life?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.